I feel like blogging today after many weeks.
After a very long and disturbing emptiness, I am finally starting with a small casual role in a jewellery company. I am nervous, yet hopeful. Maybe this is a first step towards building a career that I dreamt of. I am feeling very anxious.
In the last few months I have doubted myself many times and have quietly and desperately longed for nothing but a chance to prove myself. I have dreaded meeting people because I was scared of the question "what do you do?". I have been afraid of my personal life being adversely affected by my (un)employment status.
Today I am just looking back at the last 6 months and praying that this would be the beginning of better luck. Although I know my job is quite insignificant and so am I, but I am thankful for this opportunity because an odyssey starts with one step.
Now is when I most need the well wishes and blessings of friends and family.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Hard earned money
Stories from childhood are fun. I enjoy listening to them and they remind me of the stupid but innocent person that I used to be.
There is one that is a favourite of my Uncle K, who has been my father's business partner for as long as I have been alive. He told it to me 7 years ago when I earned the first stipend of my life. It is a funny one and reminds me how dumb I was. But it makes me smile because it's really cute. It just shows how much I valued hard-earned money since my childhood. The sarcasm in this sentence will become evident after I tell the story. Here goes:
I was 6 or 7 years old. We had our school fete coming up. It was mandatory for each student to purchase a booklet of 50 fete tickets from the school (paid for by parents' 'hard earned money' of course). It was then upto the kids to unleash the salesperson within and to go door to door to sell the tickets before the fete starts (and hence get the money back).
The enthusiastic and hard working kid that I was, did not waste a single day. I spent the whole afternoon in the scorching summer heat disturbing each and every resident of the locality to sell my tickets. I finished all the tickets by evening. I believe it would have been hard for people to say no to a small kid working so hard ;-p. Anyway so by evening I was loaded with cash and very proud of myself.
On my way back, I stopped at a toy vendor and spent the cash on toys and balloons and candy. I entered my home brimming with joy and pride but of course my father's reaction was not what I had expected. On being questioned, I simply explained that I had spent my own hard earned money. My father tried to explain that the hard-earned money was infact his since he bought me the ticket booklet. But my innocent little brain refused to understand how that could be. To me, it was very simple and clear: "Papa, you earned money, you spent it. I earned money, I spent it. It was my hard-earned money". The world was that simple for me and I did not understand why things should be any more complicated.
So at the age of 18, the day I earned my first stipend after slogging for a month, Uncle K asked me, "Do you now understand the meaning of your own hard-earned money?" and told me this funny incident.
There is one that is a favourite of my Uncle K, who has been my father's business partner for as long as I have been alive. He told it to me 7 years ago when I earned the first stipend of my life. It is a funny one and reminds me how dumb I was. But it makes me smile because it's really cute. It just shows how much I valued hard-earned money since my childhood. The sarcasm in this sentence will become evident after I tell the story. Here goes:
I was 6 or 7 years old. We had our school fete coming up. It was mandatory for each student to purchase a booklet of 50 fete tickets from the school (paid for by parents' 'hard earned money' of course). It was then upto the kids to unleash the salesperson within and to go door to door to sell the tickets before the fete starts (and hence get the money back).
The enthusiastic and hard working kid that I was, did not waste a single day. I spent the whole afternoon in the scorching summer heat disturbing each and every resident of the locality to sell my tickets. I finished all the tickets by evening. I believe it would have been hard for people to say no to a small kid working so hard ;-p. Anyway so by evening I was loaded with cash and very proud of myself.
On my way back, I stopped at a toy vendor and spent the cash on toys and balloons and candy. I entered my home brimming with joy and pride but of course my father's reaction was not what I had expected. On being questioned, I simply explained that I had spent my own hard earned money. My father tried to explain that the hard-earned money was infact his since he bought me the ticket booklet. But my innocent little brain refused to understand how that could be. To me, it was very simple and clear: "Papa, you earned money, you spent it. I earned money, I spent it. It was my hard-earned money". The world was that simple for me and I did not understand why things should be any more complicated.
So at the age of 18, the day I earned my first stipend after slogging for a month, Uncle K asked me, "Do you now understand the meaning of your own hard-earned money?" and told me this funny incident.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Dream about cannibal boss
This one was years ago when I was working. Its not pleasant but was funny nonetheless, after I woke up. My boss's boss appeared in my dream and I will refer him as Mr. J. Just for the records, he is a very sweet old man and far from what I saw in the dream!!
I go to work as usual but there is some kind of ceremony going on in the courtyard and its crowded with employees. As I go in I see that Mr. J is eating his employees one by one. There is some sort of a killer machine... a person goes in alive at one end and from the other end comes out a plate with Mr. J's meal. Everyone is being pushed into a line and no one wants to be in the front. I end up being in the front of the line and suddenly realise I am going to die... I dont want to die. I am so scared that...
I woke up with a start and was amused when I recalled the dream :-D
I go to work as usual but there is some kind of ceremony going on in the courtyard and its crowded with employees. As I go in I see that Mr. J is eating his employees one by one. There is some sort of a killer machine... a person goes in alive at one end and from the other end comes out a plate with Mr. J's meal. Everyone is being pushed into a line and no one wants to be in the front. I end up being in the front of the line and suddenly realise I am going to die... I dont want to die. I am so scared that...
I woke up with a start and was amused when I recalled the dream :-D
Dream about Tsunami
This one is months old but I remember because I shared with friends and they couldnt stop laughing.
I just finshed with my classes for the day and am coming out of my college with my classmate and dear friend Prasanna when I see a sky high wave of water coming!! I remember he had told me he doesnt know how to swim. So I assure him I will save him. I ask him to quickly take a deep breath and then hold on to the railing tightly. And then it comes... we are under water holding our breath. I somehow swim and bring him to the surface of water but by then water recedes and we find ourselves on a beach. Prasanna's wife has appeared too. I have this brilliant idea that we should rush to my house because it is on the ninth floor and we'd be safe should another wave come. His wife agrees but he has gone mad or something.... he starts acting like a victim of that deadly virus of the movie "The Happening" and is going into the water instead of going away. His wife is simply laughing at his behavior and is assuring me that he will be fine. I ask her to get him to place ASAP. But as I m running towards my home I find myself in a maze from which I cant find my out...
When I woke up, I tried to go back to sleep to try n figure out that maze, but no luck!!
I just finshed with my classes for the day and am coming out of my college with my classmate and dear friend Prasanna when I see a sky high wave of water coming!! I remember he had told me he doesnt know how to swim. So I assure him I will save him. I ask him to quickly take a deep breath and then hold on to the railing tightly. And then it comes... we are under water holding our breath. I somehow swim and bring him to the surface of water but by then water recedes and we find ourselves on a beach. Prasanna's wife has appeared too. I have this brilliant idea that we should rush to my house because it is on the ninth floor and we'd be safe should another wave come. His wife agrees but he has gone mad or something.... he starts acting like a victim of that deadly virus of the movie "The Happening" and is going into the water instead of going away. His wife is simply laughing at his behavior and is assuring me that he will be fine. I ask her to get him to place ASAP. But as I m running towards my home I find myself in a maze from which I cant find my out...
When I woke up, I tried to go back to sleep to try n figure out that maze, but no luck!!
My dreams
How many people remember their dreams in the morning, I wonder. My dreams are usually very funny, pleasant and interesting. Many times I wake up in the morning and want to go back to sleep to continue with a dream.
I like to share them with friends and many people have advised me to keep a record of the funny ones. Well I have decided to act on it finally. I dont remember the old ones now, except a few but from now on I shall keep a record and I m sure they will continue :-D
I like to share them with friends and many people have advised me to keep a record of the funny ones. Well I have decided to act on it finally. I dont remember the old ones now, except a few but from now on I shall keep a record and I m sure they will continue :-D
learning and believing
Today, I just sat and looked back at the whole of my life (well, not very long yet ;o) and I thought of my childhood... how less I knew, yet how much I believed.
I believed with all my heart that I have a fairy godmother or a guardian angel. That if I just cry hard enough, they will appear and grant me my mish. I even had a list of wishes ready just in case... Even had that clever trick in mind about asking for 3 more wishes as my last wish.
I believed in magic. I believed that it is possible to have a house made of candy. I believed anything is possible. While watching a movie, I believed it to be true! I was too naive to realize it was enacted.
I believed in my dreams. And I had a lot of dreams.
I still have dreams that I believe in. But sometimes I feel I am too educated and grown up now to enjoy the imagination. I have learnt too much about real world!! And somehow the more I learn, the less I believe.
Now I know how a movie is made. I can appreciate objectively, the story, the acting or the direction. But I can never enjoy it the way I could when I was a kid and believed it to be really happening :-)
I believed with all my heart that I have a fairy godmother or a guardian angel. That if I just cry hard enough, they will appear and grant me my mish. I even had a list of wishes ready just in case... Even had that clever trick in mind about asking for 3 more wishes as my last wish.
I believed in magic. I believed that it is possible to have a house made of candy. I believed anything is possible. While watching a movie, I believed it to be true! I was too naive to realize it was enacted.
I believed in my dreams. And I had a lot of dreams.
I still have dreams that I believe in. But sometimes I feel I am too educated and grown up now to enjoy the imagination. I have learnt too much about real world!! And somehow the more I learn, the less I believe.
Now I know how a movie is made. I can appreciate objectively, the story, the acting or the direction. But I can never enjoy it the way I could when I was a kid and believed it to be really happening :-)
Looking for myself
Hmm... can't sleep tonight. I thought it might be a good idea to start writing a blog.
I am going through this very strange phase of life. Everything that I have used to identify myself till now - name, family, occupation, career.... it is all variable, I realised. It ocurred to me that that all these may change over time, but I will still be me inside.
I have been struggling to keep my motivation and self confidence lately, what with not having a job for last 3 months. I have been thinking and I realise that there is much more to me than a job. Not having a job does not really change who I am.
For other people in the world, I am defined a great deal by what I do, what I am called and where I come from. But that is for others. Somewhere along the line, in my effort to be something to others, I got confused between the real me and the image of me that is created using these variables like name and occupation.
The image is important I think, to be a part of the society and to contribute to it. But I should tell myself all the time that I got to revisit the real me every once in a while. So that I dont lose belief in myself.
That is a positive note that is worth fixing my mind on as I try to sleep..zzz
I am going through this very strange phase of life. Everything that I have used to identify myself till now - name, family, occupation, career.... it is all variable, I realised. It ocurred to me that that all these may change over time, but I will still be me inside.
I have been struggling to keep my motivation and self confidence lately, what with not having a job for last 3 months. I have been thinking and I realise that there is much more to me than a job. Not having a job does not really change who I am.
For other people in the world, I am defined a great deal by what I do, what I am called and where I come from. But that is for others. Somewhere along the line, in my effort to be something to others, I got confused between the real me and the image of me that is created using these variables like name and occupation.
The image is important I think, to be a part of the society and to contribute to it. But I should tell myself all the time that I got to revisit the real me every once in a while. So that I dont lose belief in myself.
That is a positive note that is worth fixing my mind on as I try to sleep..zzz
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